My poem about William's fight with Destiny

I read Bassie my poem this morning and she seems to think that it's ok to reproduce in these pages. So I will type it up below. Please note that it is long, powerful, detailed and graphic, so if you are of a sensitive nature, do not read on. However it is written from the heart and it conveys my still very raw emotions, and now is the time to get those down. It will all help later on.

The poem is about William's fight with Destiny and documents the three major battles we had with this abstract force. You might note that I change tenses towards the end as I jump from the past to the present; this is done on purpose - anything goes in poetry!


Destiny

You arrived seven weeks early
Impatient already to explore your new world
Little did we know
But the battle had only just begun
Destiny had one arm, we had the other.

But you were no pawn
You fought
Jaundice attacked and lost
Breathing problems battled and overcome
Three long weeks later
You were finally home.

Destiny pulled. Destiny tugged.
Over the next year and a half
Various ailments and injuries
Were encountered and vanquished.
Then Destiny tightened its grip.

You were 18 months old
Just after bedtime
I found you
Rasping, gasping for breath
Stiff body, fists in balls, mouth foaming
As the convulsions took hold.

House left unlocked
Frantic dash to casualty
Looking on horrified as the doctors
Fought for your life
Fought that devil Destiny's diabolical force.

Ha! Destiny lost again!
Ninety minutes on the battlefield;
The fitting was under control
Several long days later
You were finally home.

Destiny pulled. Destiny tugged.
Falls, scrapes, bumps, black eyes, ear-aches, tiny scars...
You had no sense of danger
Endless curiosity
The world was a marvel as you
Sought to explore all around you.

Still Destiny pulled. Destiny tugged.
One year later
Walking but not talking
Destiny invisibly wrapped around that one arm
Ready for the final battle.

A summer's day
Nap over
I carried you downstairs,
Put you down to run around
While I had two minutes at my desk.

You trotted outside. It's safe outside.
But then 'Hmm. Can't hear William.'
I run outside
No William
I turn
Pool gate OPEN!!!!
I look further
William. Face down. Floating.

I run, I grab you,
I run back to the kitchen.
Panic. I start pumping.
Speakerphone my husband
Hands free to keep pumping.

Lips blue, pupils dilated.
No!!! NO!!!!!! Destiny cannot win!!!!

Medics arrive. Doctors arrive.
Finally they break my bated breath.
'We have a heartbeat'.
Relief. Release. I finally cry.
Destiny's lost again!

Still Destiny pulls. Destiny tugs.
Your body slowly recovers
Another battle won.
Then hope is dashed.
Our world is crushed.

Your body is there, but you are not.
The war is over.
Destiny has won.
F*** Destiny.
William's never coming home.

Here are some of our very first photos of our darling William.